What to Expect

It takes a lot of courage to take that first step.  Therapy should be like talking with a trusted friend who doesn't give you advice but offers wise suggestions, experience and feedback, and you'll find me an encouraging, compassionate coach.  When people call me or come in wanting help with their personal challenges or marriage/ partner relationship, they sometimes ask "Can you fix me?  Can you save my relationship?"  They sometimes are asking me this regarding a relationship with a parent or child, or someone else.  I wish I could answer "Yes" but neither I nor any therapist could promise that.  Everyone wants a positive outcome, and what I can say is that I will help you "save" yourself. so you can know you are bringing your best self to your relationships, knowing what you can change in you and therefore the relationship, and what cannot be changed.  Counter to what you may have been taught, thinking of yourself and your needs, getting to know yourself better and therefore what you bring to the relationship, always is the answer to resolving what is possible with your future, feeling better and the future of your relationship(s).  I will be able to assess you/ your relationship's capacity for growth and change, but only you will end up making the decisions.

I'll be supportive without coddling you, and I'll ask you to push yourself while respecting your personal limits.  I offer therapy and coaching which involve focusing on whatever we assess together is most important to you.  Sometimes this involves working with the past as it relates to the present and working more deeply, sometimes working directly with immediate tasks or a crisis with yourself or a relationship.   My approach is based on a continuing focus of your strengths and challenges.  There are very few issues/ conditions that I cannot address.  See below for more information about me and the kinds of issues that working on relationships addresses:



We are always relating- to partners, ex-partners, family,  friends, co-workers, or neighbors.  Many of us may not realize how much the way we treat and relate to ourselves and therefore how we treat and relate to others is based on our past.  When we try to change our patterns, problems may tend to get more intense with those we are closer to so we are reluctant to try and "rock the boat."  We often try to resolve issues by getting advice from family and friends, who may not be able to be objective or helpful.  I use many different tools depending on your needs, but we start with establishing a relationship with each other where you can feel comfortable and  feel safe. We will focus on whatever is troubling you most, and address whatever evolves from there.  You will learn tools to learn self-care, to listen to your own inner voice, and to trust yourself, as well as new ways to approach difficult situations you haven't known how to handle before.  In couples and families, I  can act as a coach, referee or "translator" to convey differing points of view not easily seen or understood. 

What we learned about relating to others earlier in life can create unconscious patterns that may no longer work for us as adults.  If you are in or have been in an intimate, familiy or other relationship with someone who is unavailable, resistant, inconsistent, self-involved, manipulative or is using/has used drugs or alcohol, has been unfaithful, has compulsive behaviors, cognitive or mood changes, you may find yourself trying to get them to change.  You might be a couple having basic communication problems or more serious issues, wondering if you should stay together.  You could be a parent feeling like you've lost control in your household.  When it doesn't work you can sometimes blame yourself and try harder, feeling worse.  You may find yourself in this dynamic only once, or consistently choosing this kind of partner, friend or situation, or it involves your family of origin. You may be trying to change yourself but end up being harsh and self-critical.  Sometimes your own depression, anxiety, anger or own compulsive behaviors can result.  You may keep trying harder, losing sight of yourself and your own self-care. You may have a good life and be high functioning, or you may be struggling, but your work, home life and self-image may be affected.  You may feel alone or embarrassed.  I can help you get more clarity and empowerment with solutions to approaching these issues, even if you've tried other approaches before. 

Click on the "Relationship Questions" tab to read and ask yourself some important questions.  If you can relate to a number of them, you are in the right place, there is a reason, and you are not alone!

I am a licensed psychotherapist with an office in Novato, California.  I have worked for over 25 years with adults, adolescents, couples, families and groups to help them learn the skills of healthier relationships.  Since we sometimes don't get the best modeling from our family, friends or  culture, we may think it's our fault or be frustrated.  Coming into therapy should be a positive, helpful, safe, nurturing, confidential experience.  Learning what to look for in a new relationship or what is possible to change in the ones we have, learning to be assertive in the face of disapproval, knowing how to say no and respond rather than react in our relationships can help us feel better.  I can help you learn to break out of either one difficult dilemma or a pattern of what can feel like the same relationship or conflict over and over.  You can feel better about yourself and gain tools and insight to make changes that can affect one, or all of your relationships. You forming a trusting workable relationship with your therapist is what needs to happen first, and I invite you to contact me to see if it is a fit.

 Click on the "Services/ Contact '" tab to get in touch with me for a free phone consultation or to make an appointment.